Y’all. I’m finna have my baby in a few days.
I’m grateful I was able to carry this blessing to full term. Last pregnancy, despite my best fight, I couldn’t make it this far. The gift of another baby accompanied by a non traumatic pregnancy isn’t lost on me.
And I'd fully enjoy this moment if DC could figure out if it's spring or summer. Also, this pollen got me reaching for bottles that don’t pair with a wine glass: Benadryl and Zyrtec. It definitely has me I'm daydreaming about our it never rains in southern California life, where there was no pollen and the weather was always sunny and the same. But I remind myself, that my friends and family on the east coast easily outshines the California sun.
Yet, I’d be lying to say I don’t feel a bit anxious. And all this baby stuff in my house has me feeling overwhelmed.
It’s a reminder to how much a tiny human requires, not simply in things, but in physical and mental effort. And to keep it 100, I’m not looking forward to being sleep deprived.
But when I look at my other two kids, I remind myself that the seasons change, they always do. And I made a promise to myself to focus on the joy of this season: an uneventful healthy pregnancy, being surrounded by community that is both excited and helpful, and having the capacity to birth a new baby as I grow into my next chapter.
I don’t know what exactly this season will bring, I’m simply trusting that I can still experience joy, even if I’ve got to search for it.
In my challenging moments, I often find myself yearning for previous seasons, seasons where I felt freer, seasons that felt easier. Even in my deepest nostalgia, I remember that no season was ever perfect, there was always something I still desired.
I know my daughters are watching me too. They are watching me navigate this new season. But in many ways, I am watching them. They are much more adaptable that I am.
They’re present.
They ain’t worried about what’s next or what was before in the ways that I am. They accepted their new reality, with curiosity and wonder.
I’m trying to shed residue from previous seasons so I can move with the lightness I crave.
I’m recovering from giving too much of myself to a corporate career, resting my nervous system, nurturing myself and my family, building a business that honors myself while in service to other mothers.
I don’t completely know what the next season has in store for me. And unlike previous seasons, I’m finally not trying to control it. The lessons from the past will guide me through this one.
And I’m wise enough to enjoy the journey, even the moments of struggle, because time reminds me that all things are temporary. And I want to be present enough to recall the fondest of memories.
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What’s on my table:
A meal plan I made for mama’s with gestational diabetes. It’s my third pregnancy having GD so I captured some tasty meals so us GD mamas can still eat good.
A documentary. I was featured in a documentary about living between two cultures — Nigerian and American. It’s personal, it’s honest, and it’s a whole thing. It’s not too late to support.
A sweet and savory snack mix: Salted Caramel Crunch Protein Chocolate Bites (with protein) and unsalted Cashews.
A book: My every day Lagos, by Yewande Kmolafe. A cookbook with culture, story, and flavor, I highly recommend.
What’s on your table?
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See y’all after I have this baby,
Titi